Covid-19 has shown us who we are, what we value and how close our actions align with what we live for. The piece that  has been the most eye-opening to me and my own heart is the humanness of it all.

I love people.  I love connecting with people in real ways. I am better in small groups, than large groups, because I like having deep and thoughtful conversations. I have learned, I do not like smalltalk. If we aren’t going to dive deep, I retreat. I like to know people, deeply and to be deeply known.

What Covid-19 has shown me, is I really crave human physical interactions to feel truly connected to another human. I am the wife who will snuggle in close. I am the mom that is always reaching for your hand. I am that teacher who goes all in for hugs. I am the aunt who kisses the top of your head and will forever call you baby. I am that friend who holds on tight.

So therefore, when I just participated in a simple act, it became abundantly clear a lesson that Covid is teaching me. This was the most heartbreaking event I have participated in thus far since Covid started.  There have been many more heartbreaking events happening, I have just not participated in them. Today is one of our friend’s birthdays. Eight women filed into their cars, drove in front of our friend’s home, and from a distance sang happy birthday to her. Simple. Sweet. Heartbreaking. Here we were, a group of women, celebrating and loving another woman, but not allowed to hug her. Not allowed to comfort the women around us who were failing to fight back tears because of the basic human instinct to comfort was stripped away.

She is right there.

I can see her.

I can feel her emotions.

My words fall short.

I cannot physically comfort her.

So, I withdrawl. I feel helpless.

Our humanness is constricted, protected.

I go into a store and I cannot see someone’s smile…only their eyes, as they are protecting me and themselves with a mask. My mind tries to see this person, truly see them, but it is so hard without seeing their smile.

A piece of our humanness is covered,  protected.

The only thing I do know how to do now is to pray. Everything is so outside of our control, as it always has been, but now I feel it. I feel the enormity of it all. I will retreat to my home, with the ones I can hold, pray and learn the lessons this season is teaching me. Today showed me why I have opted out of being around others right now because it is just too hard to be with them and not be able to be near them.

My own humanness is retreating, protected.

Our humanity is being highlighted right now. More than any material item or need, I feel the need for human connection, human realness, human vulnerability.

Therefore, here I am, doing the only thing I can do, praying and being vulnerable by sharing it with those willing to hear.

• I pray we use this time to soak in the love we have with those around us.
• I pray we learn other ways to connect.
• I pray we see one another, deeply see one another and love one another.
• I pray that this will all be over soon and when it is, we have learned the lessons we were meant to learn from this all and our new normal does not match up to our normal of before.

And Lord, do I pray, we soak in the beauty of every human touch we get to experience again.