sobriety – noun. The state of being sober.

sober– adjective. 1a- sparing in the use of food and drink 1b- not addicted to intoxicating drink 1c- not drunk

2- marked by sedate or gravely or earnestly thoughtful character or demeanor

3- unhurried, calm

4- marked by temperance, moderation, or seriousness

5- showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice

Webster’s dictionary keeps it pretty simple when they explain what sobriety and sober is: not drinking to intoxication and not drunk. But, I think it goes much deeper than that. I can see on this side of sobriety the unhurriedness, the calmness, the thoughtful character, and the levelness that comes without the extreme qualities of emotion.

To me…sobriety is not just about not drinking. Drinking alcohol is what caused me to have clouded eyes. But, there are other things that cloud people’s eyes that might need to be adjusted. We think of drugs, gambling, and sex…you know, the “big ones.”” But what about the little things? Overeating…shopping…gossiping…social media slander…or other overindulgences that are clouding the way you see the world and stopping you from living the life that has been designed for you. When you “sober up” from any of these habits, addictions, or choices you can begin to the see the world in a much clearer way. Better? Not necessarily. But clear. And when you have a clear view in front of you, you can make choices to find the path out.

Everyone has their own unique story. I break out and share my story to bring light to the fact that you can have a drinking problem without being a raging alcoholic. I think our society has this idea that if you can get yourself to work, pay your bills, and provide basic levels of care to you family, you can’t have a drinking problem. But, that just is not true. In my story, I went to work each day and did the best I could there, giving it all to my career. I came home and took care of my family…but with a beer in hand…and then once my kids were in bed, I had a few more beers. On repeat. And when I wanted to stop the cycle, I just couldn’t. This is when it became apparent that this was a problem. This was my problem.

I did not go to rehab or get a DUI. I did not lose my job or my family. But…I hurt my family. I hurt my friends. I broke all faith I had in myself to be strong and do the hard things. I did not make the memories I hoped I would have made with my young children and shame overtook me.

Depression brought forth the drinking and the drinking kept the depression around. Cycles over and over again.

Here is the fine print as I open my heart to share with you one of the hardest things I will ever write… but also what I feel God calling me to write the most. I am not an expert in sobriety or addiction, but I have lived it. I share with you my story in hopes that my story will help bring healing to someone else in their story. I am also not writing from a place of condemnation to those who do drink. I truly believe that some humans can drink responsibly… I am just not that human. I write these words with the thought that if being served alcohol is no longer serving you, you may want to rethink your approach.

In the next few days, I will be diving deep into my heart and sharing pieces of my journals with you…as though we were sitting here in my living room together…peeling back the pain and the layers to walk together forward into the life that has been designed for us. I will share things that I have only shared with Jesus, in hopes that they will give light to others.

So please, snuggle into a chair and grab a cozy blanket. I will light my favorite scented candle and bring my journals along. I will pour us some coffee or tea. Maggie (our dog) will keep our spots warm. Together, I will share my story and hope to hear yours. It is time we have this hard conversation.

To keep reading, check out Sobriety Part 2: the fall, Sobriety Part 3: the valley & the rescue, Sobriety Part 4: the climb, and Sobriety Part 5: glancing back to walk forward.

In the meantime, you can read more like this here: Mountains and Valleys, Surrendered, pieces, throwing rocks & collecting rocks, let it leave its mark, and Suffer well.