Suffering

the in-between season

~ Ashley Lindner ~ Leave a comment

as seasons transition, they leave some evidence that they have been there and bring beauty for what comes next

I am guilty of drinking pumpkin spice in August and wearing sandals in March. People roll their eyes at me and blame climate change on my preemptive coffee creamers. I am totally okay with it.

As seasons transitions, I am always eager to jump ahead to the next one. My mind romanticizes all the things that come with the next season and files the current season away as a lesson learned and a memory to later look back upon.

This year, the transition to the next season just seems to be taking longer. Maybe it is because we are slowing down our schedules and can feel the days move along, or maybe it is the weather pattern. Weather science will never be my thing. But, this in-between season is just dragging on. and on. and on.

I live in the woods in northern Minnesota. Typically, come December, we are deep in snow and cold. In fairness, we did have eight inches of snow in mid-October, so thinking that winter was coming early was actually a rational thought. Today, though, it was 42 degrees and my down jacket seemed quite excessive. As I walked outside, I was drawn to the transition from fall to winter and how the stillness reveals even more to the season. It made me think, as we are rushing this year to an end, what else do we still have to learn from this season?

This season, not fall or winter, but this overarching season of ick, has a purpose and a lesson to be learned. I imagine that we have many, many lessons to learn from this season. Have we been intentional in pausing to think about the lessons we have learned and using this as an opportunity to grow? Are we going to let this stretching, suffering, challenging be in vain by not learning the lessons presented to us? Either way, we are sitting through the season, so we might as well make sure it is not a waste.

I think we have learned the value of community. We need community. We need people to walk beside and share in our joys and our sorrows. I hope we move forward with a deeper appreciation for the people we get to do life with.

I think we have learned that we need our neighbors. We need our neighbors to be respectful and responsible because the choices of our neighbors directly impacts us. We are all ridiculously linked together.

I think we learned that everyone is essential, in varying ways. Let me be very clear that the medical professionals, first responders, and scientists are AMAZING and we can never properly show our gratitude for their work on the front lines of this pandemic. I also do think we have learned that we also need the grocery store employees to stock shelves and pick our groceries. We have learned that truck drivers are incredibly necessary to ensuring that we have toilet paper at home. We have learned that custodial staff are vital to keeping our public spaces clean and safe. We have learned that schools not only offer education but also food, mental health services, security, and childcare for millions of children every day. We have learned that our economy and society cannot properly function without everyone participating in life. As it turns out, everyone is essential to their families and our community.

I think we have learned that less is totally okay. Less on our calendars, less hustle, less to tackle. Less can happen and we can still be content. With a slowing of our lives, we have been able to appreciate the things we do have together so much more, as we are not already planning the next thing. (Again, with the way I move seasons along because I am too busy to appreciate the one I am in.)

I hope we have learned how important the people we share our home with are to our lives. I hope we’ve taken enough of this time together to really see their hearts and make the most of the time we have together. I do not think it is possible to ever make the most of anything because really, my mind spins to what I did not do or that there could always be more, but I hope, really hope, that the people I share this home with can look back at this time with some bits of fondness for all the time we have had together.

I think we learned that even as everything seems to be crashing down, the seasons do keep on changing. We are entering our fourth season in a pandemic. Even though everything else shut down,

the snow did melt,

the mud did come,

the grass and the flowers grew,

the leaves fell,

and now we await the snow.

There is some peace in knowing that eventually the season will transition. Eventually this season of ick will be over.

As with season change, they happen slowly and always leave evidence from before. Every summer, we find our previous Christmas tree, brown and lifeless, propped in our woods, waiting to be burnt. Seasons leave proof of their existence, so that we have a marker and can be a witness to the experience. What will be the markers left behind from this season? Will we remember the lessons it taught us? Will we be a witness to what we have learned?

What were the lessons that we are being taught during this season? Did we learn them all?

Before we can finish this season well, we have to remember its purpose, learn the lessons, and then move forward with little pieces of evidence for having been through the season. There is a purpose to this transition going so slow.

A Weary World Rejoices

~ Ashley Lindner ~ 3 Comments

Have you ever really listened to the lyrics of O Holy Night? Like really listened?

Maybe I had never truly listened before or maybe I have not had this heavy feeling of weary at the holidays before, but when I heard O Holy Night this week, the lyrics shook me.

Long lay the world, in sin and error pining
‘Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks, a new and glorious morn

-O Holy Night

We, as humanity, are coming at the Christmas season weary.

I do not know what your personal struggles may be at the season, but I know enough to know that you have them.

Typically, I do not like to list out my current struggles because in a lot of ways I feel as though then I am comparing my struggles to yours and thus diminishing either of our hards. Hard is hard is hard.

But in an effort to be vulnerable and also to show you the stature I had when I heard O Holy Night, you should know what has led up in my little family’s life to understand this moment:

My father-in-law passed away from a series of medical issues, on November 8th after spending two weeks in the ICU with his two sons and wife by his side. My spouse and his brother then came home to help us tell our respective children that Grandpa had passed away and then they packed up to go support their mom for a few days. While they were together grieving, they were exposed to Covid. After a week, my husband came home and went into isolation in our home, thus taking over our master bedroom and putting me on the couch, unable to hug my grieving husband. While in isolation, my husband developed Covid from his exposure. Thanksgiving came and our three kids and I did not get to spend the day with our favorite human. Also, let us remember, Grandpa also is not celebrating Thanksgiving with us…and neither is Grandma, who is alone now. During this time, another family member who was close to the grieving process of my husband’s father was hospitalized with Covid. Oh and also, we had to switch to distance learning because Covid is running rampant here and I am both a parent of students in distance learning and a teacher. So, everything is a lot.

Heavy. Hurt. and then I heard the lyrics.

the weary world rejoices

O Holy Night

And finally, I had a word for all that I have been feeling: weary.

So many of us are weary right now. You may be weary from employment issues, social unrest issues, equality issues, addiction issues, fertility issues, health issues, money issues, parenting issues, pandemic issues, life issues.

The crazy thing that makes me pause is that all these issues, accept for pandemic issues, were present in life before the pandemic began. However, right now, we as humanity are feeling one massive issue collectively, on top of all other life issues that have always been there. This has the opportunity to draw us together because we can all feel the collective heaviness that is right now. We collectively are weary.

We are a weary world but we have reason to rejoice.

Life is hard. Life between the two gardens is hard. It just is. Sin -not your individual sin so keep reading. I am not blaming any one person.- But sin entered the world in chapter three of the first book of the Bible. There are 1,189 chapters in the Bible and it only takes three chapters of it for us to have sin enter the world. Chapters one and two tell us how God had this plan as He created creation and it was all good. All good. There was no death, no shame, no anger, no need, no jealousy, no suffering. It was all good. Then sin entered the world and it is just the pits after that until we enter the other garden, which is Heaven.

So here we are, between two gardens, living in a hot mess of the world and we are weary. This year we can feel the weariness. But, we have reason to rejoice. Rejoice because this is so not how it is supposed to be and one day, it won’t be. It just won’t be.

The lyrics go on to say:

He knows our need, to our weaknesses no stranger

O Holy Night

Yes! He knows our need. Oh my word, does He know our need and our weaknesses. He knows it all and fierecely loves us anyways. That is reason to rejoice.

Truly He taught us to love one another;

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;

And in His name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy name.

O Holy Night

Love. Peace. Joy.

These are amazing reasons to rejoice. As you read God’s word, you see the theme of love, peace, and joy written all over it. It is not the condemnation that many feel religion brings. No, faith is not the laws, but rather the grace by faith.

This season is a season of joy because our savior has come and He will deliver us from this weary, weary place. It was never supposed to be this way. He can bring us peace. He wants us to show love and we are so deeply loved by Him.

So as we walk in the heavy, we have hope. So much hope. We can rejoice as we will not be in this ick forever.

And, there is some Earthy peace in knowing that this weariness is not something that is unique to our current human experience in 2020. Almost 200 years ago, a man, Adolphe Adam, felt this weariness in 1847, as he composed O Holy Night and turned his hope to Jesus.

To read more like this, check out Surrendered and Suffer well.